well, been a while since i updated so here goes!
due to my arthritis refusing to stay under control i have been on steroids for about 4 months. they worked well and i was in a lot less pain and it seemed good, but sadly for every good thing there is a side effect, so now my bones are showing signs of thinning. the worst affected is my femur. it has thinned badly and my once stable hip resurfacing is now badly unstable, in fact it actually seems to be dislocating randomly. so after seeing my orthopaedic specialist at guys hospital i've now been told i need a full hip replacement, what joy!
so i'm feeling a bit in shock and quite down, after all my husband married me as a quite healthy mobile person and now i'm in pretty bad shape!
ok so i've had a dodgy hip for years and arthritis crept up on me slowly but i was ok, i could cope. now i'm on more meds and still on morphine which i was trying to come off.
my moods go from lovely to evil in a short state of time. mostly because i feel so guilty.
my husband and children shouldn't have to look after me when i'm bad, they deserve a decent mum and wife.
oh, well enough moaning, at least i'm getting my hip done by a very god surgeon so that makes me feel better!

oh no, another mad dream!

last night i had what i can only call and karma dream!!
for everything nice or good that happened there was something not so good happening to!

so, i won a weeks holiday for me and my friends, we were staying in a very posh hotel, with a huge soft bouncy bed, heaven! except we all had to share the same bed! the view was weird, basically when we looked out the window we could see inside a big factory making gorgeous smelling chocolates and fudge, we could almost taste them and they looked so nice, but we couldn't get to them, the factory was sealed, argh!!

later we were visiting a big theme type park, with loads of rides and big slides, soft play big enough for adults, but all the entrances to the rides were sealed so we had to climb up the sides of the rides, which was scary and really hard to do, we could see other people getting on the rides normally but when we tried they were sealed tight!
i watched my friend go down a massive slide, she was sitting down going down it and at the end she suddenly went from sitting down to standing on a scooter, but at the end off the slide there were big soft mats and as she came off the end of the slide the scooter got stuck on the mat and but she carried on moving, so she ended up falling over.

then i was woken by Sarah, which was good because the dream was getting really frustrating!

I'm not sure what made me dream this weirdness, normally i only have such vivid dreams when i take extra meds, but last night i didn't, oh well, proves I'm mad doesn't it!!!

shopping delivered!

well, this morning i had some food shopping delivered, all good, except the poor delivery boy (he must of only been about 18!!) was laughing at sarah because she was helping to bring the food in but when she picked up a pack of lamb she freaked out! dropped it saying "yucky mummy!" then she started poking it, then she tried to stand on it! all because she didn't like the look of it!

thank goodness it's friday!

The end of a busy week.

on Monday my eldest Ellie went on a residential trip with her school, poor Sarah was quite upset and kept asking "where Ellie gone mum?"

on Tuesday Sarah (my 2yr old) went for a visit to pre school, she loved it and didn't want to leave! since then every morning she say's "my pre school today mum?"

Wednesday was a quiet day, except for Sarah playing her piano loudly and me doing lots of washing!

on Thursday me and Sarah went to gym minis, Sarah loves climbing, jumping, crawling and singing, i enjoy a bit of a rest because the lovely ladies there help Sarah so my hands get a break!

Friday (today) we'll be tidying, doing the washing and later picking up Ellie, I'm sure she'll bring home a large amount of washing so, here's to a busy week end to! i also think she's going to be tired, so an early night i think!

spoon theory!!

i just read 'the spoon theory' it was written by a girl with lupus but it describes life with arthur, or chronic pain perfectly.
if everyone read it they'd understand my life!
here's a link to the theory on 'but you don't look sick, a website and the title says it all!

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

please read it and maybe you can understand why some day's I'm moody, or short tempered or so sleepy it's untrue!!! i told you I'm not just lazy!
the person who wrote it describes life with chronic pain so perfectly, i couldn't even begin to explain it so well!

wahoo hay! i've dyed my hair today!

well, last weekend i dyed my hair black, last night i bleached the front of my hair, then this morning i dyed the bleached (ginger and blond) bit electric blue, i love it! just wish I'd been braver and bleached more as i think the blue is amazing, I'm a happy bunny!

apart from that, nowt much going today. Sarah is asleep, Ellie is round her friends and I'm sat here! boring don't you agree?!

stupidly I've managed to run out of my morphine, how daft am i? so it'll be a weekend of pain no doubt, hooray, NOT!

it's wednesday!!

today i are mostly doing the washing!!!
I've stripped beds, washed the bedding and now the fun begins! making my bed, hmm, who would of thought it would be so hard to 'make a bed'? it's at times like these that i get angry with Arthur. shake the pillow into the pillow case, easy? erm, not any more! just trying to keep hold of the pillow case while i shake it causes immense pain, drop it a few times and you can add a frustrated face to the mix!
still once it's done i have a few day's to get over the pain.

any way, Sarah tries to help by sticking her head into the tumble dryer to see if i got all the clothes out, Ellie keeps asking if she can turn the washing machine on, any one would think it was fun lol!
still, only another 2 or 3 loads then I'm done for the day. does any one want to vacuum for me please?