my wierd dreams

the 1st dream was last thursday (26th march)

i was by a river, on a long path, i was with a man but i don't know who as i never saw his face.
we were walking down the path and i saw a indian (as in cowboys and indians btw!) walking towards us, he seemed to sort of appear, like he was a spirit or something. i said to the man i was with "look at that" he said "it's an evil spirit and so you must banish him"
this is the wierd bit, the man i was with had to spin me round by my arms and i had to hit the indian spirit thing with my feet. the 1st time i missed so the indian sort of started to disappear but then laughed and said "you missed me"
then i was spun again but the same thing happened, so the man said " i will pull you back and as you fly forward you need to kick the indian in his face!"
so, he pulled me back and it was like i was on elastic because i flew farward and kicked the indian in the nose, his skin vanished, then his skull caved in and he was gone.

i woke up at that point, but i felt scared, like something was in the house, i wanted to go to the loo but i was convinced if i looked in the lounge on the way back i would see something there. it really freaked me out.

then on saturday night (28th march) i dreamt this ;
i was with daev and some other people, we went to a place which was like a village but it seemed to be yrs ago, like we'd gone back in time. we all had to dress up in costumes that the villagers would of worn. then we went round the village living like people would of done. i don't remember alot of the detail but by the end we were in a building and i was stood at a window doing washing up and i saw a spirit of a lady, don't know who she was but i had to tell people, it was like an urge, i had to tell everyone i'd seen this lady ghost. i rang beki and she was really excited, she kept saying that she hadn't seen that ghost for years and i was really lucky to see her!

last night (30th march) was the weirdest though.
i was living at my parents house with daev and ellie (no sarah) my mum wasn't around, she'd died (in my dream, not in real life!) and i was trying to organise my dad's funeral (he is also still alive in real life) ellie had dressed his body and i was trying to organise having his body taken ready for the funeral. but this is were it gets weird, my dad was with us, he was a ghost but seemed very real. for some reason his body was being cremated but his head was being buried. i was supossed to be seperating his head from his body but i couldn't do it. my dad (the spirit of him) was telling me to just do it, it wouldn't be that bad, ellie kept telling me that if she could dress his body then surely i could get his head off.
he was wearing a blue stripey shirt, this seemed very important as it sticks in my mind now.
then we were leaving the house, my mums spirit appeared and we had to go in her car, we were going to follow the hearse, which seemed to sometimes be black then it would change to red, it kept changing.
anyway, the driver of the hearse said that he was only taking the head, he had to fix the head onto a clip on the inside of the roof of the car, this made it look like my dead dad was driving the hearse, which everyone acted like it was perfectly normal. the actual driver was in the front seat driving and the head was in the back.
then we were in my mums car, her spirit was driving it and we were lost, we had to keep up with the hearse but we were on a motorway with cones and roadworks and it was pitch black. then we were suddenly back at the begining of the dream again, i was in my parents bedroom and my dads body was on the bed, his spirit was still with me, i was convinced his body was decomposing as it seemed like he'd been dead for weeks. my dad kept telling me to cut his head of his body but i couldn't as i thought it would be all decomposed inside and it made me feel sick, then it just carried on as it did at the start, ellie saying she had dressed him etc.
then i woke up.

i've had the sick feeling ever since, like i said a feeling of dread and fear, like if my phone rings it will bad news. the de ja vu feeling, i can't eplain it, but i feel horrible.

after the weekend....

well, it's Monday and I'm trying to sort my kitchen out.
I've decided to do 1 room a day and try to get our home back into some kind of order.... we'll see!
unfortunately my left hand has given up on me, as well as the fact that only 2 fingers work due to several injuries i now seem to have no strength at all in it.
I'm back to typing with 1 finger as that's all I'm capable of, holding a pen to write is at best difficult and my writing is more like a pre school scribble, but hey!
i have managed to clear the top of the fridge freezer and so now i have a place to store the Easter eggs we were given yesterday by Daev's family, out of site out of mind, i hope!!!
other than that it's a slow job, with my stupid hands not working i keep getting annoyed, just picking up a 5p coin made me sob, it's not heavy, it's not awkward it's just impossible to grasp with a useless thumb and a not to bad finger, oh Arthur why don't you just f**k off and find someone else's life to wreck?!
still, Sarah has gone down for a nap now so at least i can do some tidying without her help, she stood by the side of me, seeming to be very impressed with the stuff i took off the top of the fridge freezer, excited by the bottle of sun cream with a picture of Nemo the fish on it. 'whoops' of joy when i put the blender on the side! oh and such a happy smile when she noticed an elastic band on the table!
sometimes i wish tiny things could make me that happy, imagine waking up, hearing Ollie our cat meow and finding it hysterical? oh i wish!!!
still, i better stop writing now as this isn't getting the kitchen tidied is it?
I'll be back soon, button moon, bye for now! x

I'll start at the beginning, after all this is the start of

a walk in my world, my blog.

(well, me and arthurs blog)

I'll introduce myself first,
My name is Sue, I'm a fairly normal person, although I have a rather annoying partner, his name is 'Arthur'
Actually, Arthur is not so much a partner, more of a part of me, i wish he wasn't but, you can't get rid something that chooses to be part of you. Arthur is my rheumatoid arthritis he joined me about 2 years ago, although i have my suspicions he'd been creeping up on me for along time before then, many years really, but in January 2007 he joined himself to me and now he's here forever.

You can probably understand that having Arthur has caused a lot of things in my life to change, maybe even vanish forever, my independence has shrunk and i now rely on my Friends and family more than i ever have before.
some day's i wish i could get rid of Arthur, cut him out of my body, banish him from my world, but i know he'll never truly leave, even if some day's i don't notice him so much, he's always there, ready to surprise me with a gift, maybe pain, maybe just keeping me from sleeping, maybe making me sad, maybe angry, only he knows what his next move will be.

i've never been a super fit and active persom but i used to enjoy going out for walks with my eldest daughter Ellie and my hubby Daev, we would start of on a adventure, finding secret places, fun places or even scarey mad horses in the middle of a field somewhere in Hook. we'd have days out, going on trains to different towns, aways finding museums to visit, not my idea of fun, but hey!!
my youngest daughter Sarah, has never seen this part of me because Arthur came along not long after she was born, i guess in some ways she's lucky, she can't miss what she never saw, but Daev and Ellie both knew me as the person i as, way back then, or as it seems now.

I guess i should stop feeling sad for the parts of my life i've lost to Arthur, after all that is giving him strength, thats something he doesn't need.

this is a introduction to me, to my life, this is a place i can say all the things i feel, all the things that make me happy, angry and sad, a place to let out my feelings.
from this day i have a blog to call my own, morphine queens place, for she is me, (me and Arthur)
x x x